Fading
by Schizzar
Summary: A series of drabbles that will be exactly 13 chapters long. It centers around each of the Organization members' deaths and their thoughts in the last moments. Scattered, hinted yaoi but rated T mainly for safety.
1. Chapter 1

**First, Vexen's death. Some language but that's about it. Enjoy and if you feel like it, drop a review.**

Someone once told me that when the shit hits the fan, run like hell. So I wonder, why wasn't I running? Axel stood before me, green cat eyes calculating whether or not I was going to try and run, whether or not I was foolish enough to flee. Sora was shouting something, the little brat. Still thinks the world is pure, even after meeting us, the corrupted. The innocence of the boy makes me sick. Makes me want to rip him limb from limb and leave him dead at my feet. He'd be better off that way. He would never have to experience the corruption.

But back to Axel, the devil. In every sense of the word too. Fiery, filled with misdirected hate, and cruel. He was a cruel and heartless bastard. Yet so was I. Perhaps, under different circumstances, we could've been friends. No, I won't even entertain the idea any further. That never could've happened. We are too different. I am the ice, he is the fire. Yet he gets along with Demyx so well.

And now he's moving his hand, I can see the flame dancing at the tips of his finger tips as he gets ready to snap, gets ready to end my life. I wonder, will I feel anything? If it was anyone else, I doubt I would, they would make the death swift. But Axel…no Axel was merciless. He would burn me slowly, making sure I felt it as my…soul, perhaps, drifted away and disappeared.

The sound of his fingers snapping reaches my ears and my eyes widen briefly, almost as though protesting death, wishing for it to go some other way, something other than death. It's too late though. I can feel the pain burning within me already, but I view it with a sort of detachment, even as a cry escapes my lips. That's not really me, that's just a meaningless body, thrown around and abused.

I wonder if Marluxia will miss me, even though he's given the order for my execution. Ah well. The bastard deserves the pain. We all do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Now it's Demyx's turn, his is shorter but I hope you all enjoy the same. Review please! And I don't own Kingdom Hearts…yet.**

No, this wasn't happening. I stared at the black tendrils that were beginning to rise off my skin. I staggered and fell to my knees, barely registering the pain from the impact. I was too shocked. Too shocked that…I was dying. I was fading away.

"No way!" I cried, still not wanting to believe it. This couldn't be happening! I was supposed to keep living, I was supposed to help Xemnas achieve his dream, help him in anyway I could, like Zexion wanted me to.

But what if I was helping Xemnas? What if…what if I was just a decoy or something? What if I was just sent here to…fade away. To be removed from the picture. I had always been useless anyways, there was nothing I could really do to help the Organization, next to keeping the moral up, but…I wasn't a fighter. Was that why I was being sent to my death? Everyone knew that I could put up a fight but there was no way I could…beat…Sora. So did that mean it was all for nothing?

No, it wasn't for nothing. Zexion wanted me to live. So I did. I lived for Zexion. And now I will die. I have been going on too long without him. He was my reason and now I can join him.

I couldn't bear to look at the Keyblade Wielder as my precious water surrounded me, as if trying to root me to the real world and keep me alive. But I am not willing. I wish to leave now, if only to be with Zexion once again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Zexion's turn. Xigbar is next. Please review and spread the love. I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

_The bastard,_ I thought, rubbing my raw throat where the fake Riku had had his own hand only moments before. The fake was gone now, and so was the loose cannon, Axel. If only Xemnas knew…if only he knew Axel was going to betray them all. Then again, so was I. We aren't meant to live, no matter how badly Xemnas wants us to be human and have hearts; it just isn't right.

Monsters can't be human.

But Demyx, maybe things would be okay for him. After all, out of all of us, he seems more…human. What he feels, can't be just something fake. Me thought, I know what I feel are echoes of sins, sinful emotions that monsters aren't allowed to have.

My energy is slipping through my fingers, just like the black wisps of smoke that are rising off my body, the only physical sign that I am fading, dying, disappearing; there are countless words to describe something so horrible. Why do things work out this way? Why does anything happen?

I can't believe I'm sounding like Demyx now, jumping around everywhere. In my last moments, I suppose, I am trying to cram in all the thoughts I haven't had the time to think yet. Pathetic…


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's Xiggy's. Enjoy and drop a review! Next is Marluxia I think…that may change. Anywho, I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Things were fading fast, I realized. Tormenting Sora, confusing him with the name Roxas, that was definitely a bad idea. I had pulled out every trick in the book and they didn't work; the kid's too smart. Nah, that's a lie. I wasn't really trying. Didn't have the energy. Honestly, Xemnas's dream of Kingdom Hearts would never come true so I don't see why I should bother trying. Besides, Demyx is gone. The only interesting guy, besides myself, that was in this damned organization.

Well, maybe my opinion is a bit biased, after all, I was in love with him. Though, he was taken by that little nerd, Zexion. Eh, Zexion's better for him anyways. I mean, I'm…me. I'm old…well not old, just older than him. Younger than most people seem to think, surprisingly. Not that you care or something. Ah well.

Sora's gone now. He and his little buddies ran off, probably to fight Xemnas. Well, I can only wish him luck. After all, we're all abominations, fated to die.


	5. Chapter 5

The Keyblade Bearer was much stronger than I ever expected. And now, I'm paying for it. He's staring at me with that strong blue stare, as if he knows just how horrible I am yet still pitying me all the same, wishing he didn't have to kill me, wishing I wasn't a monster.

But I realize that I do deserve death, and more. I have done nothing but back stab my friends, my lover, and my organization. I let Larxene die without a second thought, used Namine as a shield, ordered the death of Vexen, and through it all, attempted to overthrow Organization XIII. A meaningless effort. What I didn't know has led to my death. I had no idea how strong Sora was, nor how his strength echoed in his heart. I knew nothing when formulating my plan and even now...even now I know nothing. Then again, one who knows nothing can understand nothing.

I believe it was Xemnas who told me that. We had been in an argument and he put me in my place. It made me angry though. Made me think I could do a better job taking care of the Organization. I couldn't even lead three people. Shows how wrong I was, I suppose.

Anything a nobody attempts to do is just another…meaningless…effort…


	6. Chapter 6

**Ta-dah! The next chapter. This time it's Larxene. Enjoy. I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Next is Axel. Review please!**

What was this? This wasn't even possible! I couldn't have possibly been beaten by that sentimental brat. The way I was fading told me otherwise. It wasn't right though. I'm not supposed to die! I'm not supposed to be killed by a…a puppet! A puppet _I'm_ supposed to control dammit!

I can tell I'm babbling now, out loud. I'm saying something but I can't focus enough to tell what it is. God damn Marluxia! Damn him! This is all his fault! If he hadn't gotten me wrapped up in this foolish plan of his, I wouldn't be fading away! I wouldn't be dying!

It's all…his…my…my…fault.

I'm not strong enough. It isn't Marluxia. I failed him. I'm not strong enough to take Sora on. I'm not…good enough. If I was, maybe I'd have been worth something. But no…I wasn't. I couldn't help. Maybe though, in death, I'll be some good to Marluxia, maybe I'll be…worth something…in the end.


	7. Chapter 7

**Axel's turn! Xaldin is next. I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

I never realized how much Sora looked like Roxas until this moment. As my eyes blur, from exhaustion, sorrow, or a weird combination of both, the brown hair turns blond and cerulean eyes mist over with unshed tears, almost as though Roxas is somehow forcing me to see him in death. I think maybe it's his way of telling me he remembers…he remembers the fake love crafted from echoes of emotions we can barely feel.

But I blink and he's gone and it's Sora staring down at me, concern in his eyes. We're talking but it's as if my body is no longer my own. I'm thinking that maybe my last sacrificing move was my way to repent for all the sins. I had committed. Killing Vexen, Zexion, betraying my organization, kidnapping Kairi, hurting Roxas in an attempt to make him remember, existing…All things I shouldn't have done. Not that it matters. I paid for the things I did. And maybe, just maybe, I can content myself with the thought that I really _had_ seen Roxas and he did forgive me.

Forgiveness. I think it's all I really needed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Forgive me, I don't know Xaldin's personality that well so I tried my best. I do not own Kingdom Hearts.**

This was not in any of my plans. I highly doubt anyone _plans_ to die. I should have seen it coming, however, seeing as how almost the entire organization has been wiped out by the Keyblade Bearer. I should've expected it, planned for it, prepared for it. But I got too confident. I thought that I was stronger and I had been counting on the Beast becoming a Heartless. I assumed too much and planned too little.

Damn, Xigbar always told me my assumptions would be my downfall. Bet he's laughing his ass off. Maybe not. We were friends, well as close to friends as Nobodies can get. I put up with him whining about Demyx, he put up with my violent nature. Shame, now he won't have anyone to whine too.

Well, there's our drinking buddy Luxord but I'm getting distracted. Besides, when Luxord's drunk he runs his mouth off. It isn't safe to tell him anything.

I have to admit, I'm not too sad to go. I never really wanted to follow Xemnas, never wanted a heart, just stayed with the group so I wouldn't get bored and kill myself. This is much better. I can pretend I wasn't suicidal and it was all Sora's fault. That's what everyone would think.

Even in death I'm living a lie.


	9. Chapter 9

**And here's the next one. Next I believe is Saix or Luxord. Almost done now! I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

His strength was unexpected. I underestimated him and overestimated myself. I had grown too comfortable with my own strength and in the process, gotten out of practice. It was a fatal mistake on my part. Any other person would've known not to let themselves get rusty.

I could only hope the last bit of darkness would be enough to make Riku succumb to the darkness. If he does, it means the risk of Zexion dying by his hand, or any reason really, went down. If Zexion lived then I can be content with death and darkness. The darkness is strong, submitting to it isn't a crime in my opinion. I can't understand why Riku feels as though he is weak for giving in.

To me, it is an honor to be a part of something so perfect, so amazing. I want to be alive but since that is not an option any longer, being with the darkness forever is the next best thing. That is something I can be happy with.

I can watch over Zexion, and his newly found love, from the darkness. Hopefully, maybe even save him from Riku, should the bastard survive my final attack. From the darkness, not the light, I will help. I will prove the darkness isn't evil.


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's Saix's. Next is Luxord.**

Oh the irony. I put everything into controlling the moon's power only to be betrayed and killed. The moon didn't lend me its strength when I needed it most and now here I am, lying on the ground and glaring at the luminous heart balefully, as if my hate will change what will inevitably happen to me in only a few more moments.  
I'll fade and die, just like the rest of the pitiful organization. Except for Xemnas of course. He is above the rest of us. He is quite literally the ultimate, to me. To think he considered me better than the others makes me feel a little better in my death. I survived longer than most of them anyways. I am better than them, all of them, bested only by my Superior.  
I am beginning to see that what I feel is not just an echo of some emotion. It has to be real. Or perhaps I am only telling myself this to comfort myself in death. Either way, I believe it now. We don't need hearts to feel. I can feel just fine without it. I can feel the pain and hatred, I can feel the love for my Superior, I can feel the fear as death steals closer and closer. If I can feel it, it must be real. So I'll content myself with that final thought. And just let it all go.


	11. Chapter 11

**So magically, Luxord is in Pirates of the Caribbean because I wanted him to die there. And I really played it up on the whole drunk thing. Heh. Enjoy. Next is Xemnas. **

Dying on a world that is notorious for beer and prostitutes seems strangely fitting. they were both things I frequently indulged in, so why not die surrounded by them? Poor Xigbar, he's all alone now. Both his drinking buddies are either dead or dying. Hm, I kind of feel like a beer now. How strange.  
I can't say I have any regrets. I've indulged in life's pleasures more than most people, way more, but since I've done everything I find interesting, there are no regrets. Those sappy bullshitters with their morals. Pathetic. To indulge and be properly happy, one can't concern themselves with morals and what society asks of them. You have to take what you want, by force if you have to. Other people's happiness shouldn't factor in.  
At least not with me. And my way, is the right way. I've had everything I ever wanted. Money, sex, beer. Don't need a heart for those things. Don't need a hard to be happy. Don't need a damn thing to be happy.


	12. Chapter 12

**One more to go! It's Roxy!**

I have been proven wrong. Wrong. I was wrong. It...is very unexpected. The two Keyblade Bearers have taken me by surprise, shocking me with their devotion for each other. I had not expected the light to be so strong, to conquer the dark.  
Those fools were always prattling on about how there is always a light in the darkness, something that always sounded too good to be true. So I denied it and accepted the darkness as the one true truth. I had no idea I was following a lie.  
Then again, how could I have known what was the truth? I couldn't know a truth without first knowing the lie. But what if I thought the lie was the truth and the truth was the lie? It was too confusing. Too..._above_ me. Maybe the darkness is the truth, maybe the light. I don't know. Sora will never know. We both just have to put our faith in something and hope we're right.  
Faith. Faith in the darkness that couldn't be alive. It all came down to believing in something wholly and tossing away all doubt. That's what faith was. I no longer have faith in anything.


	13. Chapter 13

Time to fade. Time to go. Time to die. Or maybe, not die. I was with Sora now. I'd forever be slumbering in Sora's soul. I couldn't truly fade to the darkness. I would be...forever separated from Axel. I couldn't be my own person when Sora needed me to live and survive. His happiness for my own. An unfair trade but I can deal with it if it means Sora can live.  
But that doesn't make it any better. Just because I've come to terms with it doesn't make it any less painful or something. I wish I could fade like the rest and just be gone. Without killing Sora, of course. My wishes seem to be unattainable, they always have been. Smoke I can't grab, love I can't have, a damnation of living life as someone else.  
Wishing I could fade.  
Fading is for the best.  
But I don't deserve it.

~Fin~

**And it's done. Drop a review. Hope you all enjoyed. **


End file.
